Checklist

Every kind of idea that is put into action needs a bit of planning, just to make sure that it actually turns out the way you want it to. Sometimes, the smallest detail, if overlooked, can have the farthest reaching consequences. (Ever forgot the bogroll on a camping trip? You know what I mean.)

Brexit is such an idea put into action. So I think it’s safe to assume that whoever came up with this has some kind of checklist, just to be sure. After all, this does have far-reaching consequences.

Ok, let’s see what we have here so far:

Conduct a referendum that is supposed to be advisory, and base it on lies, propaganda and populist idiocy. Don’t forget to disenfranchise all those whose lives literally depend on the outcome.

Check

Turn the result immediately into party politics regardless and declare it “the will of THE PEOPLE,” so you don’t have to take any responsibility.

Check

Don’t do anything about it for the next couple of months. No, really, let it sink in; you can afford it.

Check

Sign the divorce papers, i.e. trigger Art 50, without any idea of what that all means. Seriously, who needs a plan for this.

Check

Take back control.

Working on it.

Then put together a catalogue of outlandish demands to be negotiated that cannot ever be taken seriously by anyone, let alone the one entity you need to negotiate with.

Check

Don’t do an economic analysis or any kind of cost-benefit summary. Details only get in the way.

Check

Get a great deal.

Working on it.

Insist incessantly on having your cake and eating it.

Check

Replace your lead negotiator again and again as a clever ploy to confuse the other side.

Check

Lie to the Queen, so you can prorogue Parliament, push through No Deal and don’t have to deal with those pesky plebs interfering.

Check
(sort of, damn those judges)

Sign a Withdrawal Agreement (yes, the same one that you rubbished the year before) and declare victory, only to admit openly in Parliament that you will break it. Who cares about international law, anyway.

Check

Turn the Garden of England, a.k.a. Kent, into the Shithouse of England for 7,000 or so lorry drivers who will have to wait 48 hours at the border crossing to France. They obviously don’t need facilities when there are lay-bys.

Check

Get an oven-ready deal with the EU.

Blew it.

Get trade deals with 150 nations or so out there to replace the one we had with the EU.

Working on it.
This is harder than it looks.
Why don’t they just form an orderly queue outside No 10 to sign on the dotted line?
Since when do we actually have to ask someone to do something we want??
What happened to Rule Britannia???

Tell your business up and down the country to get ready for new rules on import and export, but don’t tell them what these rules are. Details tend to confuse people, and we can’t have that.

Check

Did I forget anything?